


He Him

by katiemariie



Category: Flight of the Conchords (TV)
Genre: Community: help_haiti, F/M, M/M, t.A.T.u.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-14
Updated: 2010-08-14
Packaged: 2017-10-11 02:14:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/107237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiemariie/pseuds/katiemariie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Yes, you really have to kiss. We're doing this just like in the video."</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Him

Sometimes Doug finds himself marveling at how lucky he is to have found such a vivacious, free-spirited woman like Mel and sometimes Doug finds himself standing on top of an eight foot ladder, holding a sprinkler over two digi-folk musicians from New Zealand.

"Murray," whines Bret. "This water's really cold."

"You can see our nipples through our costumes," adds Jemaine.

Doug cranes his head and, yes, he can definitely see Jemaine's nipples under his school boy uniform. He can also see Mel—who is supposed to be looking angry and judgmental—on the other side of the gate, squinting and tweaking Jemaine's nipples like that guy on that Canadian sketch comedy program who squished people's heads from afar. That was a good show. Doug makes a mental note to add it to his Netflix queue.

"Good," Murray says from behind his camcorder. "That adds a bit of social commentary, doesn't it? About how we've left our children out in the cold."

"I don't think that's what the video's about," Bret mumbles.

"Sure, it is. Those poor little Russian girls out in the rain. They shouldn't have to walk home in that kind of weather. Where's the school bus? When's mum and dad coming to pick them up? And all the people on the other side of the gate are just standing there watching. No one offers them a ride home or even an umbrella. You'd think as communists they'd be more generous."

"I think the video's about homophobia," corrects Jemaine.

"No. It's about education reform."

"Then why were the girls kissing?"

"They were cold! They were trying to warm each other up. Don't you ever kiss your best mate to keep warm?"

"No." Bret shakes his head.

"Never."

Murray looks a bit flustered. "Well... hmm... er... I should probably phone Jim when we're done here. Right." He coughs. "Let's get on with it, shall we? Good. From the top of the first kiss. Action."

Jemaine and Bret approach each other slowly until their lips are mere inches away from another. "Do we really have to kiss?" Bret asks.

"Yes, you really have to kiss. We're doing this just like in the video."

"This seems like copyright infringement," Jemaine says.

"Yeah, copyright infringement," Bret echos.

"Well, it's not! It's a tribute video. And, according to my research, tribute videos are very popular on the Youtube. You remember the one I showed you about all the singles ladies. Thousands of hits! Can you imagine how numbers like that could add to your fan base?"

The boys appear to consider this fact for a moment then begin to communicate in a series of eyebrow raises and shrugs. When they're finished Bret turns to Murray and says, "We'll do it."

"But if it looks too gay we cut it from the video."

"Fine, fine. Actors," Murray sighs, looking up at Doug and rolling his eyes. "All right, action!"

Jemaine cups Bret's face and lays a very chaste kiss on his mouth. Bret pushes back, awkwardly wrapping his arms around Jemaine's waist.

"Good! This is good stuff, guys. Brilliant. I think we've got it. Cut. Cut! All right, you can keep going. Bret, don't grab Jemaine's bottom. That's not in the video. You guys are really getting into character. I told you all that Stanislavski work would pay off. You're both regular Sam Neills now, aren't you? Brilliant, absolutely brilliant."

Doug can see Mel's face from atop the ladder and he just knows that he'll be wearing the hair helmet when they have sex tonight.


End file.
